Household Survey Result Shocks Nation!

In a recent (this morning) survey, 75% of this household said they would not be watching any televised football games. The results are as follows:

50% said they would be watching the National Dog Show
25% said she would be watching the squirrels foraging at the bird feeder
25% could not be reached as he was deployed on Operation: Vole Hunt

We contacted a member of the household and he agreed to be interviewed for this special report. He asked that his identity not be revealed, so we will refer to him as "Dave."

LJ: Why are you going to watch The National Dog Show?

Dave: I am exercising my right as an American to pursue happiness. I like dogs.

LJ: Yes, but isn't it unAmerican not to spend hours on the couch in a stupor watching the endless "bowls" while consuming malt beverages and salty snacks?

Dave: Who said anything about not consuming malt beverages and salty snacks?

LJ: Uh, "Dave" we don't have any salty snacks.

Dave: I know you have a box of Tabasco-flavored Cheese-Its hidden under your pillow.

LJ: Let's not talk about that. Let's talk about the fact that you choose not to view televised football. Why is that?

Dave: (Note to self: fill in answer with tirade against football players who are little more than thugs on- as well as off- the field, when "Dave" comes back from bike ride.)

LJ: Thank you for your time.

Dave: Do you want to make a bet that the @#&*%@ Poodle will again take Best of Non-Sporting Breed? Once, just once, I would love to see the English Bulldog or the French Bulldog take it. The Frenchie--oh that would be sweeeeet.

LJ: Sorry. I can't take you up on that bet. What do you want for lunch?