It's Not Fat...It's Tuffets of Hair!

Our cat, Mick, has what we lovingly refer to as "tuffets of hair." As an A Plus cat, he cannot possibly have a fat stomach. So that dangly bit about his middle that nearly hangs to the ground is called his tuffet. The reason why Mick has tuffets of hair is because when the pork barrel is being passed around, Mick is right there to claim a share.

When I get up in the morning and have my cafe au lait, Mick is right there asking for his au lait-- hold the cafe. When Fanny, the bulldog, gets a little something in her dish, Mick bellys up to the bar to see if there is something there that might tempt his palate. And when we eat cheese and crackers in bed at midnight, Mick doesn't want to eat anything, but he does demand the right to rub his head on the cheese.

Fortunately I have a handy little tool I like to refer to as "The Presidential Veto" otherwise our credit card bills might go from slightly below staggering to staggering- red alert status. It is very simple to use, although it doesn't make me popular. When Mick lunges for the turkey off my salad plate, or when Fanny tries to guilt us into saving the last piece of bacon for her, or when Dave makes a move on my Tabasco-flavored Cheese-Its, I just say, "No."

At Christmas time when they all show up with their wish lists and Fanny wants a duck pond, a DKNY dog collar, and a side of beef; and Mick asks for a case of Fancy Feast Gourmet Cat Food, a pair of gerbils, and a cashmere cat bed in Safari Gold; and Dave's list includes night vision goggles, a Tom Waits limited edition action adventure doll, and a personal training session with Lance Armstrong, I just say, "No." I say, "Sorry guys but we are spending more than we earn and besides the muffler is about to fall off the car. Go back and rethink those lists."

That is why I am a little surprised that President Bush hasn't tried using his Presidential Veto yet. I don't want to be overly critical, but after four years you would think he could have figured out how it works. Take last month, for example. When congress presented him with their $143 billion Corporate Tax Cut Bill, he could have said, "No." He could have said, "Do we really need a special tax cut for makers of bows and arrows? Do we really need tax exemptions for NASCAR track owners? Sorry guys we are spending more than we earn and besides the muffler is about to fall off Iraq. Go back and rethink those cuts."

At our house, none of us are starving, we are all still getting plenty of pork. But by trimming a bit of the fat, we save ourselves from going too far in debt and having the nightmare of Vinny "The Enforcer" showing up on our door swinging a baseball bat, saying "Hey, how ya doin? China called, dey want deir money paid back right NOW!"