Want Ad

Mick, the cat, got quite excited about the following want ad:

Wanted: Good-looking Christian heterosexual male 45 to 70 years old, with full head of hair. Must be in excellent health with squeaky-clean background and at least 6 feet tall. Must be independently wealthy with powerful friends. Must be born in the USA, with Southern or mid-Western upbringing preferred. Previous experience in governing a must.

Joggers OK, but wind surfers need not apply.

After musing over the fact that this sounded like a Personal Ad rather than an ad for employment, I had to explain to Mick that while he is good-looking and male (although being neutered might rule out "heterosexual") he is in no way 6 feet tall, independently wealthy or 45 to 70 years old. He is, as far as I know, not Christian but is involved in an ancient Egyptian Cat-Worshipping Cult. (Their agenda is: pro-cat life, pro-dog death penalty, and teaching hieroglyphics in school.) As for the "squeaky clean background".... well let us just say that I have documented proof that before Otis, the Basset Hound, passed away, Mick was frequently seen attempting to nurse on Otis' stomach.

But Mick filtered all that negativity out and pounced on the fact that he was definitely born in the United States, in North Carolina, he has a full head of hair, and as an A Plus cat he is in excellent health. And isn't it common wisdom that anyone can grow up to be President of the United States? If you judge him by cat standards, Mick is easily over six feet tall and by 2008 he will be 45 to 70 cat years old. He sees himself as prime presidential candidate material.

Besides, he has a secret weapon. Mick has been avidly following the career of George W. Bush. Before Mr. Bush was elected Governor of Texas his only work experience was in bankrupting 3 companies. Mr. Bush's rise in wealth and popularity came from co-owning The Texas Rangers. In 1989, He invested $605,000 for a part share in the Rangers. Then with the use of Eminent Domain laws and a sales tax levied by the city of Arlington, he and his partners built a new stadium on the backs of Arlington citizens. Ten years after they bought the team, Mr. Bush and his partners sold the Texas Rangers to Thomas Hicks for $250 million, with George's share being $14.9 million.

So Mick has a plan.

Mick currently manages and operates The Koi Pond in the front yard. He offers fishing and sun bathing privileges to the local cat population. In the winter when the pond ices over, Mick sells tickets to the wildly popular "Mice on Ice" showing daily and twice on weekends. Mick figures if he can get the city to buy up all our neighbors' land and build him a bigger pond, his sales and popularity will only increase.

Mick For President 2008....now if he can only figure out how to look natural holding a hunting rifle.