Wedding Day.

Today I am going down to the courthouse and change my name to Mrs. Knucklehead. It won't be a white wedding because the snow has all melted and left our dreary brown grass behind. But that is OK. And last week for the first time since anyone can remember the garbage men forgot us, so our street is literally awash with trash which will be so attractive for our reception. But that is OK. And my daughter, Gwen, and I killed two hours last night driving around for the very elusive "frilled toothpick" which never materialized. But that is OK. And I couldn't find any shoes that I like, so I am going to wear "the cripplers." But that is OK.

Everything is OK today. Because today is the day I marry my best friend and the man who makes me so happy I am bursting with joy. My own darling boy. My love.

F A Qs

Who is Dave ?
"Dave" is the love interest. His real name is David, Dave, or Knucklehead. When he is not toiling down in the salt mines (their Motto: We Never Close Because People Just Love Salt!) he is busy raking the local bike trails. While mountain bikers think nothing of riding over narrow log bridges, plunging down sheer cliffs or riding over roots, stones, and small trees, apparently if they hit a leaf they fall down and go boom.

Who is Fanny?
Fanny is an English Bulldog with a dash of Boxer whose world revolves around the 4 basic food groups: wieners, bacon, and dry dog food. (Ok, she is not so good at higher mathematics.) When not eating food, begging for food or searching for food (Wait! What is that on the carpet!? Dang...just another leaf. Oh well, I'll eat it anyway.) she is lying on the couch, farting from the last food she ate. Fanny's main grievance in life is that her sibling, Mick, has access to both my bed and the front yard-- Fanny's dream vacation spots, rivaled only in her imagination by the all-you-can-eat buffet down at the Golden Corral.

Who is Mick?
Mick, the cat, is the main provider of moths and voles. Without Mick, I don't know where I would get my daily requirement of voles. Without Mick, I don't know where Fanny would get her daily requirement of chase the cat. Before the demise of Otis, the Basset Hound, Mick enjoyed a little interspecies nursing. So far, he hasn't been able to convince Fanny that it is all good, clean fun.

Who is Laura Jane?
I am.

What is this blog supposed to be about?
It is supposed to be the about the sublimation of the artist's goals in the aftermath of a national dialog on the destructive elements that constitute our patriarchal society.

Really?
No. It is really just supposed to be whatever I feel like writing about. I usually feel like writing about politics, religion, and my family.

Did you get a scanner for Christmas?
Yes I did. Thank you Jewel and Robert.

So what is your favorite photograph of you wearing a very dorky paisley suit made by your mother?
This one:

It's Snow Time!

Last night we were visited by the Snow Fairy who left us a nice clean blanket in exchange for our brown grass and dirty roads. For a girl raised in California, who didn't see her first snowfall until she was 12, snow never ceases to be amazing, Nature's best party trick. But around here, snow doesn't last long, so we took a break from painting the bathroom and went out with Fanny to the trails. She loves the snow every bit as much as I do. Here she is still looking for those Twelve Wieners of Christmas.

"It's not too late! They could still be coming...."

If you think I love the snow, the local weathermen become orgasmic. After hurricane season, they have little to do the rest of the year, but are galvanized into action at the first hint of a flurry. You might imagine from their excitement that 2 inches is cause for a statewide emergency. Code: White!

They have to make as big a fuss as possible because we are strictly limited by law to two snowfalls a year which melt before everybody gets sick of it. But when it does snow, the city shuts down and everybody takes the day off. At even the tiniest hint of a flurry, a scroll appears at the bottom of the local TV channels listing the multitude of businesses and schools that are closed. "Our Lady of Perpetual Help" closed for Sunday services due to 1/2 inch of snow on the ground. But the day care centers and public schools are right to panic because in North Carolina we don't have the equipment or the know-how to handle more than a light dusting. Last year we had more than our annual 6 inches and ran out of salt for the the roads. We had to go borrow some from the next door neighbor, Virginia.

So most businesses were closed today, but a few places were open. Our local hardware store-- which is usually closed on Sundays-- opened especially today in the hopes of selling a few snow shovels and sleds. The snow won't last long, so they have to make hay while the sun is not shining. We didn't need a snow shovel, but we showed our support by buying a strand of Christmas lights for 50% off and some anchor bolts.

Our favorite grocery-church, however, remained resolutely mysterious. We don't ever see any activity other than the trash can being moved. Do people ever worship here? Do people ever shop here? Is it some sort of snack food & potted meat cult?