Dream Vacation

Zimbabwe, facing a severe food shortage, is considering an unlikely program to bring rich foreign visitors to the country, according to a government announcement in November. The information minister proposed an "obesity tourism strategy," in which overweight visitors (especially Americans) would be encouraged to "vacation" in Zimbabwe and "provide labor for (government-confiscated) farms in the hope of shedding weight." Americans, the proposal noted, spend $6 billion a year on "useless" dieting aids and could be encouraged to work off pounds and then flaunt "their slim bodies on a sun-downer cruise on the Zambezi (River)."
[Sunday Times (London), 11-28-04]


Overheard in a Beverly Hills cafe:
"Vanessa! You look fabulous. Did you go to that new luxury spa in Napa Valley? I hear the decor is exquisite and the masseuses are hunky gods."

"No! You will never guess-- Josh and I went to Zimbabwe."

"Zimbabwe? Is that that island where they filmed Survivor last year?"

"No, it's in Africa."

"Ooo. Africa. Jonathan has never taken me to Africa. He's too worried about getting malaria. But I keep telling him tourists don't get malaria, that's only those poor natives. Bad diet. Mud houses. They just can't help themselves.

"Actually Josh did get malaria. He says it's ok, though. All that shivering really burns up the calories."

"So tell me everything. Did you go on a safari? Kill anything? I would kill for a lion skin rug."

"No, we didn't have time. We stayed on a farm."

"A farm. How very Martha Stewart of you! Chintz curtains? Baked goods?"

"You have no idea how very Martha Stewart it was. Very much like staying in a prison."

"Oh my god! That is Jonathan's dream. He is always talking about how he would love to be in prison. Just for a little while. Just to see if he could make it. So what did you do all day?"

"We did this farm work stuff. We carried water, we dug things, we chopped things. I want to tell you it was an all-body work out. Just look at my shoulders."

"They are gorgeous. And your suntan too. I just can't get over how much weight you lost. I slave away at the gym all day long and I never lose weight"

"It was just so hot all the time, it was kind of like working out in a sauna-- you know how they do that hot yoga? And the food was really nasty. That plus the dysentery. Worked like a charm. I'm under 100 pounds for the first time in my life."

"Wait til I tell Jonathan. Africa here we come!"