First Rule of Wedded Bliss: No Clay Aiken impersonators

Dave and I are fixin' to go to a 50th Wedding Anniversary Celebration this afternoon which includes a two hours of "entertainment" by an Elvis Impersonator. I suspect we might be leaving early.

But it got us thinking about our own 50th Anniversary-- in our family we firmly believe it is never too early to make up ridiculous fantasies. One thing we all agreed on is there will be no impersonating of any kind whatsoever. Dave did float the idea of a Joey Ramone look alike contest, but as most of our friends will be in their nineties, I doubt this would work.

Dave
Guests will be asked to attend in full mountain biker regalia/ toe clips optional. Camalbacks will be handed out filled with a choice of gatorade or full-bodied lager. An assortment of trail bars will be served. Entertainment will consist of a slide-show of dorky guys on bikes on one damn trail after another with soundtrack supplied by Songs: Ohia. Gifts received will include a gold bike chain, 50 gallon drum of machine oil, and rake-of-the-month club membership.

Laura Jane
We will be receiving our guests from our throne, as surely by then I will have been elected Queen of the Universe. There will be a V-8 Juice fountain, a habanara salsa waterfall, and a Tobasco-flavored Cheez-Its castle surrounded by a moat of chipotle cheddar dip. Guests will enjoy a garden make over followed by a two hour lecture on "Tender Perrenials I have Loved and Lost Through the Years." As gold is the order of the day, we will be showered with hundreds of little gold boxes-- Gold Godiva chocolate boxes.

Fanny
"A Vision of Wieners" is Fanny's idea of the perfect party theme. Everybody will dress as their favorite cut of meat. Sparkling toilet water will be served along with cocktail wieners, cheesy wiener puffs, and individual wiener and bacon tarts. The entertainment will consist of Pat the Puppy. Gifts received will include a book entitled, Bulldogs: Why They Need To Eat 12 Times a Day and enrollment in the smell-of-the month club.

Mick
There will be a strict No Dog dress code enforced at the front door. Goldfish bowl water will be served as well as Vole pate. The entertainment will consist of short naps. Gifts received will include gold velvet goose down pillows large enough for a 15 pound cat to sleep on and membership in the small, helpless rodent-of-the-month-club.

Hope to see you December 31, 2054!