When Good Clothes Go Bad

Two middle-aged sisters wearing jeans tried to enter a church where their 88 year old mother was attending services, only to be rebuked by the preacher, the 86 year old Rev. Clarence June Lover. Reba Storey, 46, recounted the heated exchange :

"You're not wearing pants in my church, you demon," Storey claimed the preacher said. "I said, 'I'm glad I serve a God who can work through my pants.'"

And isn't it true that so often when we stare into our closet, the demon whispers bad things into our ears. "Wear the pants with the elastic waist band," he says when we were thinking it might be time to go on a diet.

"Yes," he says, "Stripes do go with checks."

"All men look great in tight-fitting tangerine-colored golf shirts."

"Lime green chiffon is a fabulous look for mother of the bride."

"You are never too old to wear Winnie the Pooh on your clothes."

"The seventies was the best fashion decade ever! You should always wear that brown, green, and turquoise striped sweater."

"Denim goes with rhinestones just like rum goes with coke!"

"Eleven is the perfect age to wear a T-shirt proclaiming, 'Princess Slut.'"

"Nobody will notice you are fat if you wear these sweat pants."

"Biking clothes make you look like a sex god. Trust me."

"I don't care what the principal says, if you spend four years sewing sequins on your confederate flag dress, you will get to go to the prom."