Better Living Through Slogans.

Garner, my home town, recently changed its slogan. This is big,big news-- mainly because we didn't even know we had a slogan. It turns out the old slogan was tired and run-down with iron-poor blood: "Garner...The Most Promising Corner of the Triangle." It was so obviously time to ship it off to the Old Slogans Retirement Home. So one concerned citizen with a teeny bit too much time on his hands got busy. He got a seven member committee together and they brainstormed. I hope it won't come as too much of a shock when I tell you they came up with a slogan that sounds like it was chosen by a committee: "Garner..A Great Place To Be." Phew. I'm so glad they chose not to go with "Garner...We Are A Town" or "Garner...A Place With Houses and Stuff." or "Garner...A Small Town With No Particularly Distinguishing Characteristics Other Than The Slim Jim Factory" which wouldn't fit quite so well on a bumper sticker.

However, the new slogan is a bit bland. Confess. You've already forgotten what it is, haven't you. It is not impossible, however, for a small town to have a catchy motto. Some surrounding towns have actually chosen mottos that are zippy, evocative, even a bit whimsical.
"Morrisville...The Heart of the Triangle"
"Rolesville...Small Town, Bright Future"
"Holly Springs...Where Tradition and Vision Meet"
"Apex...The Peak of Good Living"

That last one is my favorite; at least there is wordplay involved so that it remains in your consciousness for more than half a nanosecond.


It is probably too late to convince the Town Aldermen to change the motto again-- unless we want to be known as "Garner...The Town That Changes Its Slogan Every Five Minutes"-- but our family went ahead and held an emergency meeting in order to make up our own town slogans. Here are a few of the gems we came up with:

Garner...
"Home of The Burnt Stuffed Albino Deer"
"We Live here So You Don't Have To"
"One of These Days We Are Going To Fix Ourselves Up--Just You Wait!"
"Only 10 Minutes From Raleigh-- If There Are No Other Cars On The Road"
"Feel The Excitement, Smell The Slim Jims"
"We Are Getting A Bigger Sewer System Next Year"
"100 Thousand Squirrels Can't Be Wrong"
"We Really Care About Our Slogan"
"Can I have a Wiener?"

I think Fanny was a little confused on the whole concept, but she stubbornly insists that that last suggestion would make an excellent Town Motto. She could be right. At least it would be memorable.