Modern Drunkard is a 50,000-circulation glossy magazine "about drinking and only about drinking, and not just drinking, but heavy drinking,"Editor Frank Kelly Rich told the Los Angeles Times in January. Recent features included biographies of great drunks, a dictionary of bar slang, and a testimonial on how drinking cured one man's fear of flying. "The most accomplished people," Rich said, "have been drinkers," and he implied that people in the Middle East ought to drink more. Calling serious drinkers an "oppressed minority," Rich said he himself has about eight drinks a day, sometimes up to 30 (when he frequently blacks out). Said Rich's wife, of her husband's career, "When you find your calling, you have to go with it." [Los Angeles Times, 1-1-05]
This got me thinking about some other neglected demographics that could use their own magazine.
Pet Surgery Not only are owners spending more money on such surgical procedures such as hip replacements and kidney transplants, the latest trend is face lifts for rich dogs. Yes, when the owners have had enough surgical procedures done to themselves, they start looking critically at their dogs. Doesn't Muffy's little mouth look droopy? The first issue follows the rhinoplasty undergone by a dachshund named Snoopy and an eyebrow lift for a Labrador named Rocky. Also included is a pull-out guide: Is Dermabrasion Right for Your Pet?
Braces on Parade Sure to be found in the waiting room of orthodontists everywhere,
Braces on Parade offers shocking photographs of famous people who needed to get braces, but didn't; best-selling authors reminiscing about wearing braces as children; and fun tips for decorating your braces for the holidays.
Unhealthy Lifestyles Face it. Time to give up on those New Years Resolutions and embrace your
real lifestyle. In the premiere issue there is a Fast Food taste test, tips on how to pay less for your cigarettes, recipes featuring your favorite junk foods, and equipment to outfit your Lay-Z-Boy so you need never leave your seat again. Included with every paid subscription is a Potato Chip of the month calendar.
EuroAmerica Are you too frightened to leave the good old USA? Do you feel fat while touring Austria? Don't like to give your money to the French? Do you find warm English beer undrinkable? Then this travel magazine is for you. The premier issue will focus on the Epcot Center and every issue to follow will highlight an American city that provides a near "European experience." Look for
AsiAmerica and
AfricAmerica on the newsstands soon!
Toon Expose Lately there has been a lot of talk about the possibility of SpongeBob Squarepants being gay. Each month cartoon characters will be analyzed in great detail to discover their possible political leanings, their church affiliations, their drug habits, and their criminal tendencies. This magazine will focus especially on sexual exposes such as pulling Peppermint Patty out of the closet, questioning why Donald Duck never wears pants, and listing every episode in which Bugs Bunny appears in women's clothing.
Toon Expose-- because what you don't know can hurt your children.
If you missed last week's issue of Life Magazine, they did an article on the different kinds of Yoga sweeping the nation: Yoga and Flamenco Dance (Yomenco), Yoga and Pilates (Yogilates), and Yoga and Bondage (Yoghurt). Ok, I made that last one up.