Bulldog Goes to the White House

When Fanny heard that a guy named Bulldog got a press pass to the White House, she was quite excited. She imagined buying herself a little fedora and a Hello Kitty notebook. She thought it would be very exciting to sit in the press room in the front row only inches away from the President of the United States and receive CIA classified memos. She liked the idea of bantering with him, maybe even earning an affectionate nickname like "Shtumpy." I had to explain to her it is not that easy to get a pass. As Maureen Dowd, writer for the New York Times explains, although she has had a press pass since 1986, this year she was rejected. When she further pressed the White House they finally agreed to renew her pass but warned the background check would take several months.

But Fanny pointed out that Jeff Gannon, aka "Bulldog" whose real name is James Guckert could not have have been scrutinized too closely. It turns out that he was $20,000 delinquent in back taxes. Plus, he wasn't actually a reporter. He was really a "hotmilitarystud" which-- provided you are over 18-- you can discover for yourself on such web sites as Meetlocalmen.com, Militaryescorts.com, MilitaryescortsM4M.com, Workingboys.net, and so forth, where Bulldog has posted his pictures in various states of undress.

So Fanny figures that if a guy like Bulldog can get a White House press pass, then surely a real, honest-to-goodness, sweet bulldog with no past-- such as herself-- can get one. She promises that just like Jeff Gannon she too will only write good things about President Bush and his friends.

She can hardly wait to pee in the Rose garden.

Blind Date Accessories

In Newark, NJ a young woman had already cleared airport security and was waiting to board her plane, when she discovered she had forgotten to take a butcher knife out of her purse.

Now many so-called "serious" journalists are going to focus on the security breach. It does seem ironic that while screeners are busy confiscating our nail clippers and cuticle scissors, in this case they somehow managed to overlook a butcher knife. The screener responsible for this particular snafu was sent for retraining but sadly, a quick on-line search using the words "Newark" "knife" and "airport" brings up numerous cases of airport security overlooking knives. My favorite story is the guy who sat onboard the plane awaiting takeoff, passing the time by calmly peeling an apple with his knife when the flight attendant suddenly took notice. Knife Boy was arrested and taken off the plane in handcuffs. I guess the situation had passed the point of simple confiscation.

But I think the real story is how this woman could forget she had a butcher knife in her purse. Katrina Bell, 27, had put the knife in her purse earlier in the week because she was going on a blind date and wanted it "just in case." My feeling is if you are taking a butcher knife on a date "just in case" then maybe you ought to just stay home.

Now admittedly it has been a while since I went on a date, but there are some basics you never forget. So here is my guide to :

Blind Date Accessories

Things to bring:
Lipstick
I.D.
Mad Money
Cell Phone
Pepper Spray

Things to leave at home:
Kitchen utensils
Drug sniffing dog
Betsy Wetsy Doll collection
Tinfoil hat
Photo album from your first wedding
Weapons grade plutonium
Mother's cremains
Fake vomit
Surgical instruments
Sponge mop and rubber gloves
Ground-to-air missiles