Better Living Through Slogans.
Garner, my home town, recently changed its slogan. This is big,big news-- mainly because we didn't even know we had a slogan. It turns out the old slogan was tired and run-down with iron-poor blood: "Garner...The Most Promising Corner of the Triangle." It was so obviously time to ship it off to the Old Slogans Retirement Home. So one concerned citizen with a teeny bit too much time on his hands got busy. He got a seven member committee together and they brainstormed. I hope it won't come as too much of a shock when I tell you they came up with a slogan that sounds like it was chosen by a committee: "Garner..A Great Place To Be." Phew. I'm so glad they chose not to go with "Garner...We Are A Town" or "Garner...A Place With Houses and Stuff." or "Garner...A Small Town With No Particularly Distinguishing Characteristics Other Than The Slim Jim Factory" which wouldn't fit quite so well on a bumper sticker.
However, the new slogan is a bit bland. Confess. You've already forgotten what it is, haven't you. It is not impossible, however, for a small town to have a catchy motto. Some surrounding towns have actually chosen mottos that are zippy, evocative, even a bit whimsical.
"Morrisville...The Heart of the Triangle"
"Rolesville...Small Town, Bright Future"
"Holly Springs...Where Tradition and Vision Meet"
"Apex...The Peak of Good Living"
That last one is my favorite; at least there is wordplay involved so that it remains in your consciousness for more than half a nanosecond.
It is probably too late to convince the Town Aldermen to change the motto again-- unless we want to be known as "Garner...The Town That Changes Its Slogan Every Five Minutes"-- but our family went ahead and held an emergency meeting in order to make up our own town slogans. Here are a few of the gems we came up with:
Garner...
"Home of The Burnt Stuffed Albino Deer"
"We Live here So You Don't Have To"
"One of These Days We Are Going To Fix Ourselves Up--Just You Wait!"
"Only 10 Minutes From Raleigh-- If There Are No Other Cars On The Road"
"Feel The Excitement, Smell The Slim Jims"
"We Are Getting A Bigger Sewer System Next Year"
"100 Thousand Squirrels Can't Be Wrong"
"We Really Care About Our Slogan"
"Can I have a Wiener?"
I think Fanny was a little confused on the whole concept, but she stubbornly insists that that last suggestion would make an excellent Town Motto. She could be right. At least it would be memorable.
However, the new slogan is a bit bland. Confess. You've already forgotten what it is, haven't you. It is not impossible, however, for a small town to have a catchy motto. Some surrounding towns have actually chosen mottos that are zippy, evocative, even a bit whimsical.
"Morrisville...The Heart of the Triangle"
"Rolesville...Small Town, Bright Future"
"Holly Springs...Where Tradition and Vision Meet"
"Apex...The Peak of Good Living"
That last one is my favorite; at least there is wordplay involved so that it remains in your consciousness for more than half a nanosecond.
It is probably too late to convince the Town Aldermen to change the motto again-- unless we want to be known as "Garner...The Town That Changes Its Slogan Every Five Minutes"-- but our family went ahead and held an emergency meeting in order to make up our own town slogans. Here are a few of the gems we came up with:
Garner...
"Home of The Burnt Stuffed Albino Deer"
"We Live here So You Don't Have To"
"One of These Days We Are Going To Fix Ourselves Up--Just You Wait!"
"Only 10 Minutes From Raleigh-- If There Are No Other Cars On The Road"
"Feel The Excitement, Smell The Slim Jims"
"We Are Getting A Bigger Sewer System Next Year"
"100 Thousand Squirrels Can't Be Wrong"
"We Really Care About Our Slogan"
"Can I have a Wiener?"
I think Fanny was a little confused on the whole concept, but she stubbornly insists that that last suggestion would make an excellent Town Motto. She could be right. At least it would be memorable.