Jesusland Is In Trouble
Pat Robertson, that humble man of God, has made another one of his priceless gaffes. In the past he has offered these gems:
(To Dover, PA:) "If there is a distaster in your area, don't run to God, you just rejected him."
"Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."
"You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense, I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist."
However, his latest pronouncement against the Prime Minister of Israel may cost Robertson and other investors millions. When Robertson said God struck down Ariel Sharon because he divided Israel, he angered local businessmen involved with the development of Jesusland, a theme park "to be built in 35 acres around key Christian sites such as the Mount of the Beatitudes where Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount, and Capernaum which was described as the town of Jesus in the Bible."
Oddly enough, there are some who might think the whole idea of a "Jesusland" is blasphemous or at least humorous:
There were plans for food outlets at Tabgha on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, the scene of the feeding of the 5,000.
Lurleen and Dale already put a down payment on a Bible Daze: Holi Land Holi Days Tour Package. Their son, Christian, is out of work right now so he can watch the wiener dogs. Their daughter Christall, divorced mother of 14-month-old Joshua and 5- month-old Josef, was able to use her WalMart employee discount to buy her mother a Tee shirt that says "Jesus 'N Me, Best Friends Forever." (They were sold out of the purple in the XXL so Lurleen got yellow.) So they are good to go.
Dale did have some concerns about being around "those kind of people" and having to eat funny food, but his Pastor assured him that the tour was set up so Dale and Lurleen would spend most of their time around other American tourists. And by the way, "They got funnel cake at the Sea of Galilee!"
"Watching the animatronic Jesus feed the crowd can give you quite an appetite, but they got corn dogs, deep fried pies, fudge, and chicken tenders with three sauces just like home. And you can get you a sit-down dinner at the re-enactment of The Last Supper. I remember the all-you-can-eat fried chicken dinner was pretty good. It comes with a biscuit, coleslaw, potato salad and mashed potatoes and gravy. My wife swears the creamy coleslaw was better than KFC. And you got the choice of grape juice or sweet tea. I got the grape juice in the commemorative cup."
Lurleen and Dale can't wait to go.
(To Dover, PA:) "If there is a distaster in your area, don't run to God, you just rejected him."
"Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."
"You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense, I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist."
However, his latest pronouncement against the Prime Minister of Israel may cost Robertson and other investors millions. When Robertson said God struck down Ariel Sharon because he divided Israel, he angered local businessmen involved with the development of Jesusland, a theme park "to be built in 35 acres around key Christian sites such as the Mount of the Beatitudes where Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount, and Capernaum which was described as the town of Jesus in the Bible."
Oddly enough, there are some who might think the whole idea of a "Jesusland" is blasphemous or at least humorous:
There were plans for food outlets at Tabgha on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, the scene of the feeding of the 5,000.
Lurleen and Dale already put a down payment on a Bible Daze: Holi Land Holi Days Tour Package. Their son, Christian, is out of work right now so he can watch the wiener dogs. Their daughter Christall, divorced mother of 14-month-old Joshua and 5- month-old Josef, was able to use her WalMart employee discount to buy her mother a Tee shirt that says "Jesus 'N Me, Best Friends Forever." (They were sold out of the purple in the XXL so Lurleen got yellow.) So they are good to go.
Dale did have some concerns about being around "those kind of people" and having to eat funny food, but his Pastor assured him that the tour was set up so Dale and Lurleen would spend most of their time around other American tourists. And by the way, "They got funnel cake at the Sea of Galilee!"
"Watching the animatronic Jesus feed the crowd can give you quite an appetite, but they got corn dogs, deep fried pies, fudge, and chicken tenders with three sauces just like home. And you can get you a sit-down dinner at the re-enactment of The Last Supper. I remember the all-you-can-eat fried chicken dinner was pretty good. It comes with a biscuit, coleslaw, potato salad and mashed potatoes and gravy. My wife swears the creamy coleslaw was better than KFC. And you got the choice of grape juice or sweet tea. I got the grape juice in the commemorative cup."
Lurleen and Dale can't wait to go.