Yo Ho Ho and a Merry (Pirate) Christmas

Some people might look at our Christmas tree and say it is half empty. Other people might look at our Christmas tree and say, "Why in heck are all your ornaments on the top half of your tree?" The answer is: new kittens. Well, to be perfectly honest it is the work of just one kitten, Eustace, but for all we know, Basil might be helping out after hours.

Meet Basil and Eustace, the New Kits on The Block. Last summer we found an ad in the newspaper for free kittens, and when we called for directions the lady with four litters(!) told us we couldn’t miss the house because they were flying a pirate flag. And she was telling the truth. Naturally the two boys we picked out had to have pirate names, so the big black and white one was dubbed Eustace, The Black Monk, and the smaller grey and white one was christened Basil Ring Nose.

As it turns out Basil’s secret name is Danger Mouse– one look and you just know there was a mouse in the woodpile. His coat is matte grey and his face is small and pinched with a pink nose. But unlike any mouse I've ever known he has a big voice, a voice like a fishwife competing with a force 10 hurricane. Basil’s favorite activity is sitting in the middle of the kitchen and relating to everyone (within a ten block radius) the pitiful saga of "The Kitten Who Only Had Dry Food In His Bowl." He is thin and frail looking– which belies his mandatory 10 meals-a-day schedule. His most endearing habit is following me around like a puppy– napping when I nap, eating when I am eating, and climbing right up inside to see what might be available every time I open the refrigerator door.

Eustace, on the other hand, must have an otter somewhere in his ancestry and looks like he spends his evenings giving himself VO5 hot oil treatments. He is also a chunk; solid as a cement block describes both body and mind. Once Eustace seizes on an idea, there is no way on earth of changing it. He decided shortly after moving in that people were a nuisance, the kitchen counter was his private lounge, and Fanny the bulldog’s chest hid the nipple of glory. All of us, including Fanny, have spent a lot of time trying to change his mind about these matters. Fanny thinks of kittens as more of wind-up toys than babies to be cuddled but after 5 months of persistence by Eustace, she has come to accept his nursing for up to 10 minutes at a time. Sometimes I come across them inflagranto delecto and the look on her face is priceless.

Eustace has now gotten it into his head that Christmas tree ornaments are shiny vermin that need to be destroyed. Although we keep moving them higher, he responds by standing on his tip toes and leaping higher to capture them. Once he has his prize in his mouth, he sneaks off to the kitchen to bat it around until it is broken. It takes him only a few minutes to break one before he is back harassing the tree. I’m beginning to suspect that it is his job and he is paid for each (smashed) ornament. Only 10 more days til Christmas. Just how bare will our tree be by then? Only Eustace knows.