Fanny's Healing Butt

because we could all use a little healing

Almost two weeks since the election and we are all still reeling and writhing in pain. Some of the citizens living in a bright blue spot in the red state of North Carolina, are having such a hard time with their loss that restaurants in Durham are reporting a run on comfort food and group therapy is becoming de rigueur.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the nation, a tiny red dot in the vast blue state of California-- my mother--is receiving hate email accusing her of being one of those crazy evangelical Christians who re-elected The Bad Man. My mother can hardly be called an "evangelic" since she doesn't even believe in the immaculate conception-- she thinks Joseph and Mary were probably fooling around before marriage. But since she voted for Bush and she attends a church, she must be one of those nasty, power-crazed, Apocalypse-anticipating nuts who are just waiting for Jeezus to come down and start ripping the arms and legs off non-believers. My mom thinks the Apocalypse is just a dream, and the story of Adam & Eve is just a story, and by the way, she voted for Bush because she is scared of the Terrorists.

So the whole country is hurting and I have a suggestion.

My bulldog, Fanny, apparently thinks her butt has the Power To Heal, and she very generously applies it to all who might be in pain. She does this by backing up slowly and then gently sitting down on your foot, or your stomach, or whatever she senses needs some glorious Healing Power. This used to include the head of our Basset Hound, Otis, but he recently passed away, and she seldom gets a chance to sit on Mick, the cat. He, after all, got an A Plus on his last visit to the vet and rightly considers himself in tip top shape.

So here is my solution to our nation's distress: All of us-- all the blues, all the reds, and all the purples-- bunch in really close and let Fanny sit on our heads. And maybe at last we can begin to heal as a nation; America the Whole once more.

It's no more crazy an idea than that the pro-Bushies and the anti-Bushites will ever be able to have a Coke and sing in harmony.