Watermelon, Broccoli, What's The Difference?

Official State Thingys are a minor-- very minor--passion of mine. I figure if the state legislators can go to all the trouble of naming an Official State Blue Fruit for North Carolina (the blueberry), the least I can do is try to pretend I care. So with that in mind, I take note that here in North Carolina the house just passed a bill to declare the American bullfrog as The Official State Amphibian and another to declare The Lexington Food Festival as The Official State Food Festival. I'm not sure what kind of food is being celebrated, but I can guess it isn't celery. Probably not frog legs, either.

And speaking of vegetables, in Oklahoma there was a move to recognize The Watermelon as the Offical State Fruit, but unfortunately that title had already been claimed by the more glamorous Strawberry. It's true, Strawberries do have more fun. Oklahoma legislator, Joe Dorman, was only slightly fazed; he went on to declare The Watermelon as The Official State Vegetable. The reasoning is that, "watermelon comes from the cucumber and gourd families, which are classified as vegetables." Okey-dokey then. This reminds me of when the Reagan Administration declared Ketchup as a vegetable for the school lunch program. I guess politicians don't care for vegetables very much.

Much Ado About Peaches

I think I must have been dropped on my head as a baby because my "community spirit" lobe seems badly damaged. While everyone around me gets wrapped up in extolling the virtues of their city or state, I'm left wondering what all the fuss is about.


For example, when I first moved here to North Carolina, I was bemused to see their license plates read "First in Flight." Really? John Glenn was born here? "Well no," my darling husband had to explain, "it refers to Kitty Hawk." For months I found this a source of amusement. North Carolinians were proud that the Wright brothers-- who were not born here or even designed their plane here-- chose a sandy hill in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina to jump off. My daughter wasn't so amused, however, when we forced her to climb "The Hill Of Death" (her name) in the middle of summer. It is.. how shall I put this...a sandy hill. As tourist attractions go, it is somewhere between the grand canyon and the Stuckey's gas station on Highway 50.

My point is, that North Carolinians took a sandy hill that hosted a historic moment and ran with it-- making it a point of state pride. Yah Hoo! First in Flight! Most out-of-staters probably don't even know what that means. But never mind. State license plate mottos are not meant for out-of-staters.

And neither are Official State Thingys. As I have mentioned before, North Carolina's Official State Fruit is the scuppernong grape, but the Official State Blue Fruit is the blueberry, a detail that is funny to me, but serious to blueberry growers. Who else cares? Probably only the child who has to memorize this stuff for a school report.

I bring this up because Alabama just passed a resolution on Tuesday naming The Peach as Alabama's Official State Tree Fruit. Georgia is not amused. Georgia is in fact mad as hell. Georgia declares itself to be known internationally as The Peach State, and anybody who has attempted to navigate the byways of Atlanta knows that every other street is named Peachtree. Peachtree Lane, Court, Circle, Avenue, etc. Georgia takes its peachiness seriously. I expect there will have to be a peach-off.

Meanwhile, there has been no word from South Carolina which also declares the Peach to be the Official State Fruit. Oddly enough, South Carolina actually grows more peaches than Alabama or Georgia, but they choose not to flaunt it. Their license plate says: "Smiling Faces, Beautiful Places" which is better than using their state nickname, "The Palmetto State." Whenever I see the word Palmetto, I automatically think of the Palmetto bug and nobody wants their state to be associated with a large, scary cockroach.

Stranger still, the number one grower of peaches in the United States turns out to be...California. California can't be bothered defending their peach status, because it is too busy with the California-Florida orange wars. California is "The Golden State" but Florida is "The Sunshine State." While sunshine is very enticing to the people living in colder states, I personally think that California should just go ahead and declare themselves "The Bimbo State." Now that's a tourist attraction!

Official Title: Official Title

Apparently legislators in North Carolina have a lot of time on their hands because we have more state symbols than you can shake a stick at. Just like other states we have an Official State Tree (the Pine) and an Official State Wild Flower (the Carolina Lily) but we also have an Official State International Festival (Folkmoot USA). Sure, just like other states we have an Official Fruit (the Scuppernong grape) but we also have an Official Blue Berry (the Blueberry) as well as an Official Red Berry (the Strawberry). Imagine the chagrin of the raspberry growers.

Recently, efforts to name a state cat and a state carnivorous plant did not go well, but I have no doubt at all that soon we will have an Official State Poultry (the chicken), an Official State Gender (male), and an Official State Shoe (the left).

So since I have too much time on my hands today-- it is raining outside--I decided to run this idea into the ground. Here then is my Official List of Official Laura Jane Symbols:

Official Dog: Fanny

Official Cat: Mick

Official Husband: Dave

Official Daughter: Gwen

Official Pillow: "Lumpy"

Official Movie That Scared The Bejebus Out of Me as a Child: The Crawling Eye

Official Furniture Most in Need of Replacement: the couch inherited from my husband's grandparents and eaten by Fanny, the bulldog

Official Electronic I Recently Discovered and Now Cannot Live Without: TiVo

Official Best Reason For Having a TiVo: So I can rewind the almost indecipherable dialog in "Deadwood."

Official Activity Between 4pm and 5pm: the nap

Official Activity Most Looked Forward To By a Dog: Popcorn Night

Official Most Worthless Activity: Giving Fanny taste tests such as bacon vs. cheese or steak vs. baked potato

Official Pirate Beverage Most Likely to be Consumed Before Conducting Taste Tests: Rum

Official OTC Medicine Most Needed in This House: "Curtail" for doggie gas

Official Insect Most Likely to Disappear Once I am Named Queen of the Universe: the mosquito

Official Reason Why I Have Not Been Named Queen of the Universe Yet: Those bad marks on my permanent record from Elementary school, specifically that note from my kindergarten teacher about the playdough and a boy named Billy

Official Favorite Enigmatic Description From "The Contender": "He's no can of tomatoes."

Official Activity Least Likely to Occur in My Lifetime: Patching up the squirrel-catching holes in the laundry room ceiling.

Official Most Irritating Activity by an Animal Known to Me Personally: Mick's insane desire to rub his head on everything including the book I am trying to read and the cheese I am trying to eat

Official Favorite Gilligan's Island Episode: The one guest starring The Harlem Globetrotters

Official Favorite Shakespearean Play: The one guest starring The Harlem Globetrotters

Et Tu, Meadowlark?